The last dream
by Neko1
Summary: Seishirou's thoughts about life... and death


Title: The last dream  
Author: Neko  
email: sumeragi_subarukun@yahoo.de  
URL: www.michiru.de  
Series: Tokyo Babylon/ X  
Rating: PG-13  
Warning: weird, angst  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned characters, CLAMP does. And I   
don't make money with this.  
Comment: well, here's my next try for a TB/X story since some people asked me to   
write something with Sei-chan's POV. Don't expect too much, though... ^^;;  
  
  
  
  
Oo. The last dream .oO  
  
  
I remember Subaru-kun asking me why people have feelings and fall in love,   
although it may cause them pain. I answered, that every human being needs to   
wish for something, to dream of something. Without these dreams they couldn't   
exist.  
He believed me, knowing in his heart how true my words were.  
For him. But not for me.  
For me dreams, wishes and feelings were always a hindrance, a weakness.   
Therefore I had to shut them out since I was a little child. Otherwise I   
couldn't have been capable of being the Sakurazukamori and staying sane.   
A human life had to be worthless for me. Everything had to be worthless,   
unimportant.  
They say indifference is the worst of all crimes.  
But I didn't care.  
I remember meeting Subaru-kun again a few years after the end of our bet. He was   
so determined, his green eyes sparkling like the set of stars he was named   
after, although his powers were still no match to mine. So cute.  
They say that eyes are mirrors of the soul, reflecting everything inside. One   
can try to hid his feelings, but an attentive beholder ill always see the truth.  
Subaru-kun's eyes were shadows with pain. Either he had finally managed to hide   
his emotional state or this suffering was truly all he felt.  
Either way, I didn't care.  
The hurt in his eyes made him even more beautiful, like a precious porcelain   
doll that's even more valuable because of its cracks.  
They say that people grow and mature only through painful experiences. Subaru-  
kun proved these words: he really seemed to try to kill me, seeking revenge for   
his sister's death and his own broken heart.   
Such a delusion. Didn't he know that Hokuto-chan asked me to kill her in order   
to perform a spell to save her brother's life? Well, no, he couldn't know that.   
But he should have known that Hokuto-chan was smarter than anyone of us had   
imagined. And who was I to deny her her last wish?   
But for Subaru-kun's hurt feelings, it was his own fault. Why trusting a   
stranger like me? Why telling me his troubles, his joys, his deepest wishes? Why   
daring to hold onto me for support? Why even falling in love with me?   
I gave him the answer myself, remember? A human is nothing without his dreams.   
They are the proof they're alive.  
Hokuto-chan told me with her dying breath that she believed in me never to   
trigger the spell she had casted.   
After all, there can't be such a thing like a person that doesn't get the chance   
to love, she said.  
I remember my mother. Oddly, she died in my arms with the same happy smile as   
Hokuto-chan. She told me, that it is a beautiful thing to be killed by the one   
you love the most.  
I just smiled at both their words, not believing anything of it.  
Not understanding it.  
And for a very long time I couldn't understand. I watched people loving, hating,   
fearing, mourning, enjoying themselves, but in the end their death finished   
everything. Sometimes I was the one who ended it.  
I remember meeting Subaru-kun for the first time, standing under my Sakura tree.   
He asked me if the dead ones buried under the tree felt any pain. He was too   
little to know that only the living can feel, but still he was the one who shed   
tears of compassion.   
I was surprised, perhaps for the first time in my life. So I decided to make the   
bet with him. There was no real reason for it, just curiosity: I wanted to see   
if Subaru-kun's innocent heart, that even felt the deads' nonexistent suffering,   
could awake the Death's nonexistent feelings.   
Really, it was unfair. Bit life is hardly fair. Especially for such a pure   
creature like Subaru-kun.   
I don't remember being as innocent and trusting that he was, and, of that I'm   
quite sure, still is deep down. I don't think I ever was.  
They say that all who meet with the Sakurazukamori encounter death incarnate.  
Who was I to disagree?  
I didn't know what it means to love, to hate, or to hurt.  
I didn't know what it means to dream.  
So, perhaps I didn't know what it means to live.  
But I didn't care.  
Still, there were moments when I wished to understand. Moments, when a pair of   
emerald green eyes caught my gaze, searching for... I don't know. I never knew   
what Subaru-kun saw in me, or why he kept on feeling something for me, be it   
love or hate. Human hearts are such strange things.  
But now I don't care anymore.  
Next time when I meet Subaru-kun I will allow him to kill me. Will getting his   
revenge erase the pain from his eyes? Or will it deepen it?  
I don't know.  
I don't care.  
But now I understand that my mother's and Hokuto-chan's words are true.  
So I will finally allow Subaru-kun to win our bet.   
I'll allow him to touch my heart in the only possible way: piercing it with his   
bare hand.  
They say love is stronger than Death.  
I'd wish to see that it's true.   
This is my dream.  
My first and my last.  
Because after all, I'm human.  
Although no one ever cared.  
  
  
Oo. The End .oO  
  
  
2002|09|29  
Neko 


End file.
